Beyond me.

Though I could try to remember and write about all the things I have gotten from the Majic Dumpster, there is more to life than just these things.

Relationships, events, even of life and death. The not so common and even the hard to believe, not to dismiss the persistence of the unknown. Some unusual dreams when asleep and awake moments of brief thoughts and things felt, that seem to come to be in physical reality, but not always. All these things, these events seemed so unrelated, until recently, as in now. Little things, things forgotten but now being remembered, felt and details recalled. Like some jigsaw puzzle I didn't see, not recognizing there were puzzle pieces, or any picture to see. Still I'm not really sure what the picture is suppose to be, but only what I'd like it to be. I ask myself, how can this be real, and even more so, how could so much be make believe? Maybe its nothing at all. But that's a lot of so many things, like drawing by connecting the dots, to not be a picture at all.

Its really all quite beyond me. though I did ask in two different ways but then not realizing I had done so twice, once to what you may call god and once to another who inspires me. But in my lifes time, these requests are considered recently. So how would I have known, I'd experience such things I felt, remembered and connect reflecting all the way back to when I was only a kid.

One person causing such a cascade of unraveling down through the layers of defense I've put up from bad times of loss and of pain. All this without really saying anything directly with abstract words and only a hand shake of physical touch.

The picture, if any, I have yet to knowingly see, perhaps its meant to be just another endless empty hope, not really meant to be. Just a cruel and nasty joke by an over demanding child named god. I wouldn't be surprised!